My timing is not always the same as Divine timing. This is the one thing that trips me up the most. When it comes to my own thoughts and plans and ideas, I’m rather impatient and I want things to happen sooner and faster. Especially when others are involved. And so I tend to push.
And sometimes, I don’t do anything at all. I just stand still.
Not because I’ve realized I’m not allowing Divine timing. . . no. . . I stand still because I know I fucked up and I’m afraid to own up to it. I’m afraid to let people down. People I love and trust. People who love and trust me.
Recently I came to a realization. . .
At the root of it all, I’m afraid of being abandoned. I’m afraid of losing those connections. I’m afraid that the people I love most will walk out of my life.
A few days ago for much of the day, I was incredibly angry. For no particular reason and at no particular person – just mad at the world in general. I felt an underlying anger with everything. It was both a familiar feeling and something totally foreign to me.
And it ultimately gave way to this:
I give up.
I give up pushing.
I give up wanting things to happen quickly.
I give up expecting things to happen in my timing – especially when others are involved.
Because what I discovered is that when I set deadlines according to my own timing, I do so because I am putting expectations on OTHERS. I’m saying what I think THEY want to hear. . . not what’s true for me or the Divine Plan.
So if you’re expecting something from me and I have missed the deadline I agreed to, I deeply apologize for not allowing Divine timing to be present in our agreements. I apologize for allowing fear to rule instead.
Know that I aim every day to face my fears and live with integrity. Some days I miss the mark. And I thank you so much for sticking around and for loving and trusting me in spite of my faults.
I love you.
Love + Magic,
~Annie
